When you realize what you’re missing

My sister went through something recently that brought me back to the beginning of this year when I went through something similar. She met a man, had a few dates with him and it had felt like they connected. She was starting to like him. Until there came a moment when she realized it was never going to work with this guy. She had to let him go, because she wanted more, and even though she felt sad, it was the right decision for her. A day later she said she realized that why she was feeling sad was not because of him, but because of what she is missing in her life. She was sad because another attempt to find someone real failed.

I was dating someone for a few months at the beginning of this year. After a couple dates I started to like how I was feeling around him and getting to know him. It had been a while since I had dated and especially successfully. It ended because he turned out to have feelings for someone else. I was sad for a little while, but I wondered why I was feeling that way, because I wasn’t in love with him at that moment. I didn’t know him that well yet. There were also some doubts I had about him, so my sadness wasn’t about him.

Going back to being single

When I was taking to a friend about it I heard myself say that it was hard to go back to being single the same way I was before meeting him. Before we started dating I was single and didn’t feel bad about it. Life was good and I was focusing on myself. Sometimes it felt like I could keep that up forever. And now I had to be single again while knowing what I was or am missing in my life. That was hard and that was why I was feeling sad.

Daydreaming

It had been so nice to date someone with potential again. I liked the way it felt having a different perspective. When you’re dating someone with potential you let yourself think about the future in which you’re not alone. Daydreaming about trips you’re going to take together, meeting family members or just simply not doing everything by yourself. And even though you know it’s too early it can feel really good to think about these things. Plus, when you’re starting to like someone the world is just a much nicer place. Mainly because you feel happier about a lot of things.

Universe: I’m ready

Part of the process for me also was having thoughts about why I’m not meeting someone and about how everyone is in a relationship except me. Even looking for someone to blame, like maybe the universe. It is taking too long now, universe. I would like you to make it happen right now, please. I’m ready. Considering the why question has never brought me anything, actually. Because there is no such thing as a reason for why some people are alone and others are not.

Keep believing

And then there is the age factor. Which makes it even more complicated sometimes, considering the whole biological clock thing. Having an experience with someone and then having it end can be even harder to take from that perspective. Living life sometimes seems easier when you have that special love. Doing life alone can be hard sometimes.

There has been a long time when I didn’t believe in love and having a connection with a person. I am not sure I’m all the way there yet, but I do believe now that we shouldn’t give up on trying to find it.