5 dating app experiences and how to deal with them

Last week I had lunch with a friend at Walt in Arnhem. One of my friends who is also single and in her thirties. We were talking about dating apps and our experiences with them. Usually when we’re talking about that we don’t share the best experiences, but the worst. I guess we stay skeptical about conversations that are actually going somewhere. It made me think about my own experiences with the apps. And more specifically the frustrations with trying to get a date through apps nowadays. In this post I share 5 of my (frustrating) experiences during my time on dating apps and a way for you to deal with them.

Very few interesting men to swipe on

Of course it depends on what you’re looking for, but I find it takes a lot of swiping for me to swipe right on someone. I’m into men and to me it sometimes seems that there are very few interesting men to swipe on. Because you base your decision on a profile that the other person created you only have pictures and sometimes a short bio to go on. Therefore I feel you need to really take time to go through the profiles, instead of right away swiping left. And sometimes give people the benefit of the doubt. When there is something in their profile that you find interesting, swipe right and explore.

No response after you matched with someone

I think this is the most common frustration shared by women who are trying to date men. From my friends I hear this so often. You matched with someone and they’re not responding after you started the conversation. They ‘liked’ you, but they don’t want to talk to you. Maybe they’re collecting matches. It makes you question why they’re even on the app in the first place. Maybe they just wanted to see if you liked them back. It’s good for their ego. After so many years being on dating apps I’ve learned not to take it personally. You have to keep in mind that they don’t know you. So, they’re not rejecting you, because they don’t know who you are. If they’re not responding, move on. Don’t spend anymore time on them.

You’re keeping the conversation going

This is one of the frustrations my friend was expressing during lunch. She was having a chat with a guy, but she was asking all of the questions. She was the only person that kept the conversation going and he was only giving answers. When this happens it can make you feel like they’re not interested in you. If they were wouldn’t they want to know something about you? In an ideal world you’d like to have a dialogue and not interrogate your potential date. You’d like them to show some interest by asking what you’re doing with your life and who you are. In this situation you can suggest to meet up for a date soon and see how they are in real life. If they don’t seem enthusiastic about it, forget about them. They’re just not that into you. Next.

The first thing they say is about sex

And then there is the person that starts the conversation after you matched with them. Yes. But the opening line has nothing to do with getting to know you as a person. You know right away what they want. If this is what you want too then that’s perfect. If not, you can try to pivot the conversation towards something else (superficial) or tell them that’s not what you’re looking for. It all depends on what you’d like to put your energy and time in. Decide for yourself and do what feels good.

You’re unmatched in the middle of a conversation

You matched with someone and you’re even having a nice chat with them. You had just asked them a question and suddenly the match is gone. Apparently there are people that cannot end a conversation properly. The quickest way to get rid of someone is to just unmatch them. This is so easy to do on an app. And again, also in this case, don’t take it personally. They don’t know who you are. Even if you talked a little bit, you haven’t met them yet. And by doing this they showed you who they are. Not for you.